Well, I don’t know where January has gone, but it’s already nearly over. Despite the fact that my wife hasn’t yet taken-down the Christmas tree, we’re nearly in February and according to the news yesterday, we’re supposed to be out of the recession. Not that you’d think so by looking at all the boarded-up shops that scar the high streets of Britain. Fortunately for us, people still need to get around by car.  The ones that haven’t yet scrapped their perfectly good Polo or Micra in order to support the Korean economy by purchasing a new Kia or Hyundai still appear to want to keep their ageing cars running a bit longer, so there’s plenty of work around if you want it. In these difficult times though, there seems to be more discounting of garage services and MOT’s than normal, to tempt the customer in. Like most things in life though, things aren’t always as tempting as they might seem at first glance!Many years ago, when I worked for British Airways as an engineer, I used to enjoy the benefits of some pretty cheap flights. I regularly used to hop-on a DC10 or Tristar (no 777’s then) and head across the pond , sometimes even for just a few days. I’d think nothing of taking a long weekend to Florida or LA as I was single and fancy-free, and didn’t dedicate my life to running a garage. During my many trips to the United States, having picked-up my rented Thunderbird or Mustang and heading along the freeway, I always remember being amazed at the advertising signs and offers that bombard you from every side when ‘downtown’. Just as we have our beloved KwikFit, Nationwide Autocentre and ATS, they have their Jiffy Lube, Midas and Kwik Kar Lube centre. In such a competitive marketplace, each has to offer better and better deals in order to get their slice of the key lime pie (see, I can’t stop with the Americanisms). With huge signs offering a ‘lube service’ (that’s an oil and filter change to us) and tire rotation (swapping your front and rear tyres around) for just $19.99, it would seem that our transatlantic cousins like their car serviving to be as fast and as cheap as their food.

Now, I know that petrol and oil are cheaper in the USA, but surely, charging £15 for an oil and filter change AND swapping wheels around can’t exactly make enough to avoid bankruptcy. After all, if a typical oil filter costs $5 and enough oil to fill even a modest American car costs $10, the 45 minutes or so of labour must make up the remaining $4.95.  Assuming that the ‘average Joe’ that works there gets paid $10 an hour, it doesn’t take Donald Trump to work-out that they’re working at a loss! Despite this, there’s a Jiffy Lube or Midas on (literally) every corner. There’s actually 56 Midas Centres in the greater Los Angeles area alone, and that’s just one chain. So, how can they possibly make a profit when they sell so cheaply? The answer is so simple, yet staggeringly, it would seem that the great public can’t always grasp the concept that ensures that these businesses remain profitable, whilst the customer often pays for things they really don’t need.

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Let’s imagine that you’re driving merrily along Wilshire Boulevard in Beverly Hills (90211) in your 1998 Ford Taurus, and you suddenly think that you need an oil change. As you pull onto the forecourt, a friendly chap in overalls comes to greet you You tell him you ‘have a coupon’ (see above!) and want to claim your $19.99 lube and tire rotation. He takes your pride and joy into the workshop and you sit down in the waiting area with an Iced tea or a Dr. Pepper and watch through the window as your car is elevated on a lift. As the old oil is drained, the mechanic (and his boss) have to now think of a way to ensure that whatever happens, you won’t be leaving after only depositing $20 into their till. You see dear reader, it’s quite simple. Once your car’s on a ramp with no oil in, they have some time to see what else is wrong with it. Let’s suppose he spots that your brake pads are worn, or that your exhaust is blowing. A new set of discs and pads, as well as centre and rear ‘mufflers’ will set you back a good $400, but as the car’s already up on the ramp, it’d be foolish not to! After all, they conveniently have the parts in stock and can have it all done in an hour or so. You could just pop next door to Denny’s restaurant, and by the time you’ve finished your Prime Rib Philly Melt, your Taurus will be as good as new. In fact, you’ll be grateful to them for warning you about the terrible state of your car, and for preventing you from having a nasty accident. Only when your credit card bill arrives will you feel slightly foolish, and wish you’d have just ad the $20 oil change that you originally wanted. After all, didn’t you only have your tyres and exhaust replaced last year? Still, can’t argue with the mechanic, after all, he knows what he’s doing and would never knowingly try and sell you bits that weren’t needed, would he?

Imagine a day with 50 customers, each only spending $20. Those sales of $1000 won’t go very far when it comes to paying the wages and overheads. The next day, with some moderate hard selling, they managed to get 25 of those 50 customers to part with $400 each, and the rest just had their oil changed. That’s daily sales of $10,500 and a huge profit on what are essentially very cheap parts, and enough to ensure that every one of the branches rakes in a huge profit.

So, back in the UK again now and although not quite as extreme pricing as the USA, there’s still an abundance of offers to help ’save you money’ on your car servicing and repairs. Free brake checks, tyre checks and ’safety’ checks are being offered by many fast-fits and main dealers alike. Certain well known fast-fit centres are offering a ‘Full Service’ and MOT for £145. With the recommended price for an MOT at £54 and a proper ‘Full Service’ taking around 3 hours and using at least £50 of parts, it’s not hard to see that these are just ‘loss leaders’ to get you into their workshops, where the hard selling can really begin. A £145 service can easily escalate into a £700 by the time you’ve been sold a set of tyres, new brakes, new exhaust, a battery and perhaps some shock absorbers if they’ve had a slack week. Once your car’s on the ramp with the oil drained and the wheels off, it’s much harder to say no - either way, it’s likely that you’ll end up spending more than you bargained for.

Sometimes, a customer might ask how much a full service and MOT costs and I’ll receive the reply , “well, K***F*t* are doing it for £100 less”. I usually tell them that if they want to go there that’s fine, but that I’ll expect to see them the following year having been comprehensively shafted.

When I’m not blogging or whipping my employees, I sometimes remember with fondness my time working for BA at Heathrow. Every time an aircraft landed at its ‘base’ airport, certain things have to be checked before it takes off again and one of these is the tyre pressures. The tyres on a Boeing 747 are pretty big and are pumped up to around 300 PSI as I remember. To inflate the tyres, we’d have to use Nitrogen instead of compressed air as it has certain desirable qualities that regular compressed air doesn’t offer. I can understand this on a 747, and even on Formula One cars that also use Nitrogen to ensure stability in tyre pressure when racing. What I can’t understand is why it’s needed on a Ford Focus or Landrover Freelander. I’m sure it offers astounding benefits around the  Monaco circuit in an F1 car at 200 MPH, or enhances the safety of the passengers during a 160 MPH landing of a 150 tonne Jumbo on runway 27L at Heathrow, but bumping up the kerb outside Tesco could surely be done just as well with a tyre filled with normal ‘air’.

Strange then that my favourite Fast Fit centre now charges £1 extra for every tyre to inflate them with Nitrogen.  Let’s see, another £1 for every tyre, at say 100 tyres a day. A nice £35000 extra annual income, for something that’s invisible and virtually impossible to prove. If it was me, I’d make them suck it out, refund me the £1 and fill it up with good old-fashioned air for free. As you can see, it doesn’t matter whether you live in Beverly Hills or Bagshot, you have to be very careful in choosing who services your car if you don’t want to end up being properly stitched-up.

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