Being a car-mad 40 year old these days that happens to own a garage often causes me to ask myself the question, “Where have all the old cars gone?”

When I started ‘hanging out’ at Swiftest some 15 years ago, it wasn’t that uncommon for some cars of the 70’s and 80’s to visit the workshop for their MOT test. The Ford Cortina Mk.5 was a pretty common sight then, as was the Mk 1 Cavalier and Astra. Although manyof the cars were at the slightly ‘less rust resistant’ end of the scale, we’d even see a Triumph Herald, Vauxhall Victor or Austin Maxi every now and again.  Such vehicles were generally met with a unenthusiastic shrug by Tony, the MOT tester of the time as he’d gather his dustpan and brush ready to sweep the rusty flakes that would fall from the underside during the test onto his ramp. More often than not, the visit to the MOT station would be their last as there comes a point when it’s really not worth keeping such a heap alive, when every year a small patchwork quilt of metal plates has to be welded over the holes in the floor. Fred Flintstone would’ve had no trouble getting his feet through the floors of a 1986 Escort as these were by far the worst of the time.

I still love the cars of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s and often attend the car shows in the summer to relive happy memories of breakdowns, knackered big ends, failed fuel pumps and overheating in anything but mild traffic. It’s great to see all the cars I remember so well, but to not have the grief of running one anymore.

I can now admire the design and functionality of a 1965 Hillman Minx, without worrying about the trail of vapour spewing out of the crankcase breather and condensing as oil puddles on the floor as the worn-out engine splutters along.  The spacious and advanced Austin 1800 and 2200 ‘Landcrab’ cars bring back happy memories of family trips to the seaside, but if I think a little harder, my real memories were of puddles of power steering fluid, hideous screeching noises, collapsing Hydralastic suspension displacers and waiting for for the AA to come and tow us home.  At least in those days, parts were readily available and were fairly cheap. The problem was that this was your family’s ONLY car, and you didn’t have a nice, new Focus in the garage to take instead!

The owners of these classic cars nowadays almost always have the benefit of the use of a modern car for everyday use, and so never have to rely on the thing to get them anywhere in a hurry.  Also, most of the problems that older cars had back then have been sorted by technology now. Fed-up with adjusting the contact breaker points - then fit a modern electronic distributor.  Tired of tapping the SU electric fuel pump? Fit an electronic Bosch one aqnd tap no more!  Most of the popular classics now have vast resources available to owners to cure almost any of the original woes that they suffered from.

Anyway, back to my original train of thought - I’m a regular user of eBay to buy and sell almost anything (livestock, used underwear and firearms excluded, of course!) and can often spend hours browsing the multitude of categories. Apart from the ‘Boats and Watercraft’ section (that would require me to have money), I love the ‘Classic Cars’ section. It’s amongst these few hundred pages that I can browse for such gems as Hillman Imps, Austin A60’s, Vauxhall Victors and Rover 3500 P6’s. There are a few genuine bargains to be had, such as my £500 1964 Vauxhall Victor, but I’m also astounded by some of the more optimistic ‘BUY IT NOW’ prices being asked for what were essentially very bad cars. A Hillman Avenger wasn’t a marvellous car back in 1976 and so if I did have a spare £2500 to purchase a ‘future classic’, I’d be unlikely to but such a car, when I could have an old Jaguar or even a decent Capri. Remember the Mark 2 Escort? Of course you do; like me, you probably had one in your youth and enjoyed sliding the back end around wet roundabouts. Great as the RS2000 versions and the other Cosworth-engined versions, I fail to see how spending £3000 on a 1.6XL version can be a great buy, particularly when you can have a 1990’s BMW 328i for the same money, that’ll be a whole lot more fun to drive.

One thing that is remarkable is the number of 70’s and 80’s cars that have literally been stored from new, and suddenly find their way onto eBay for somewhere close to £8000 for some of them. Fine if it’s a 1975 Rolls Royce, but a Hillman Imp or Morris Marina!! Even if it has only covered 20,000 miles, a Morris Marina was by no stretch of the imagination a ‘good car’ and considering the fact it cost about £3000 new, there’s no way it’s possibly worth the same as a decent Triumph Stag, MGB Roadster or other ‘desirable classic’. At best, an immaculate, low mileage Morris Marina in your garage would be a great talking point for dinner parties, or to take your children for a nice Sunday drive to a car show. There’ you could meet with other Marina owners and discuss the merits of having the 1800cc ‘B series’ engine version with twin SU carbs, over the somewhat lacklustre 1275cc ‘A series’ version. On the way home, you’d be able to enlist the help of your children to push when the gearbox fails! Personally, I like having my 1964 Vauxhall FB Victor safely in the yard at the back of my workshop.I can start the engine now and again, enjoy the fact that the road tax is free, and ocassionally moe it around using the 3 speed column change geqarbox. Mecanically they weren’t bad, it was just that the bodywork used to begin rusting before it’d left the showroom. Somehow, mine only has a few holes in it, and if a day comes when we run out of work, or I wish to punish one of my technicians, I see the Victor being brought inside for a date with a MIG welding torch.

Once that’s done, I’ll whack it on eBay for £5000 and hope that someone’s feeling both wealthy and nostalgic.

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