Unless you’ve been recently enjoying a brief spell of solitary confinement,  you might have noticed that we’re enjoying something of an 80’s revival at the moment.  Frontmen of  popular 1980’s bands that enjoyed success 25 years ago are quitting their day jobs (or checking out of rehab clinics), patching-up broken friendships with former bandmates, unpacking their instruments and embarking on sell-out tours of the UK, and we, the 80’s generation are lapping it up!  I would dearly love to go and see the recently reformed ska revival band The Specials play, as I was only 12 years old in 1981 and missed them the first time round. Tickets are on sale now for around £100 and most of the gigs are already sold out! Even though singer Terry Hall has just turned 50, it doesn’t stop thousands of people wanting to see them leap around the stage, doing the ’skinhead moonstomp’.

The thing is, we all love a bit of nostalgia, and this fact hasn’t been lost on the car manufacturers who are busily relaunching all of our favourite cars from the 50’s to the 80’s. I first noticed this trend back in 1999 when Volkswagen decided that we really needed another Beetle. In 1933, Adolf Hitler instructed Ferdinand Porsche to design a ‘people’s car’ capable of carrying 2 adults and 3 children at 60mph. The original aircooled and rear-engined car was born and went on to sell millions and become a global icon. I would imagine that the design brief was somewhat different by the early 1990’s and that instead of “we must build a car to mobilise the Third Reich”, it was more a case of “we must build a car to get some money out of wealthy saps that think a Golf isn’t ‘cool’ enough. Either way, it sold thousands  despite being little more than a Mexican-built Golf with a retro curvy body, reminiscent of the original Beetle, but without its diabolical handling and heating system! It’s available with many of the ‘period’ accessories of the hippy era, including a little vase on the dashboard with a plastic flower.

Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with enjoying a bit of motoring nostalgia, but where will it all end? Volkswagen have already re-introduced the long-forgotten Scirocco coupe, again based on the Golf., and in the US have even tried a modern prototype of the iconic splitscreen van!  The American manufacturers, now almost all on the verge of bankruptcy, have all had their go at reintroducing modern versions of the classic cars of the 50’s and 60’s, with varying degrees of success. The ‘new’ Mustang is a fantastic modern take on the 1964 original and is even a popular sight in the UK, despite being left hand drive only and costing upwards of £20000.  In 2002, Ford even produced a stunning looking version of the original 1956 Thunderbird. Chrysler took the American and European markets by storm in 2005 with the updated 300 and now, they’re bringing us the noughties remake of the famous Dodge Charger. How long before an orange limited edition with ‘01′ on the doors, a set of musical Dixieland airhorns and a confederate flag on the roof will be available for wealthy Dukes of Hazzard fans to re-enact scenes from their favourite show?

Of course, we all pay dearly for a piece of motoring history. When the Alec Issigonis designed original Mini was launched in 1959, it cost £497 for the ‘Basic’ and £537 for the ‘Deluxe’ models.  You could have one in Farina Grey, Tartan Red or Speedwell Blue. It was designed purely as basic transport and did the job astoundingly well, lasting virtually unchanged until April 2000, when the last one rolled off the Longbridge production line. Contrast this to the new BMW Mini which has around 20000 different model combinations! Spend 5 minutes on the Mini website and configure yourself a Cooper S with a few options and you’ll be up to £25000 before you know it - but  don’t forget to order the ‘Chilli’ pack for £1500 if you ever want to be able to sell it again! If that’s a little steep, there’s currently plenty of used examples on the market courtesy of all the bankrupt estate agents no longer needing theirs!

So, what’s next to appear on the retro scene? Are Citroen going to bring back the 2CV? No, they tried that with the bizarre C3 Pluriel which didn’t exactly send buyers into a frienzy. Is their likely to be another Talbot Alpine, complete with tappety engine and crumbling interior? Of course not, as the manufacturers aren’t stupid and they only bring us the models that were fondly remembered.  Unfortunately, the British motor industry is all but gone, with most of the mermorable marques of the 70’s and 80’s pretty much extinct. I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time before the famous names are revived in a last-ditch attempt to extort some ‘retro pounds’ from the eager car-buying public, keen to spend the chancellors new ’scrappage’ allowance on a new motor! In order to make the ownership experience a little more authentic, I have some suggestions of my own for any car company bosses reading my blog.

  • How about a new version of the Triumph TR7?  Although it’d be based on a modern and reliable platform such as the Toyota Celica, to make the ownership more akin to the original, it would be fitted with a very marginal cooling system that would ensure that any traffic jam was a fraught experience of watching the temperature guage and blasting the heater on full.

 

  • Now that the Chinese are producing the MGF again, a thorough search of the old Longbridge plant might locate the lost tooling to begin production of a revised Austin Allegro.  Unreliability could be assured by using the Rover K series engine and the Hydragas suspension from the MGF (which is basically an old Metro) could give the same ride. Colour options could be limited to russet brown and mustard yellow, and I’m sure a new manufacturer could be found to produce the square steering wheel of the original 1972 model. It could be marketed directly to all the people that missed out on buying one of the awful Tata-based Cityrovers in 2003.

 

  • If Vauxhall aren’t selling enough of the excellent new Insignia model, how about resurrecting the long-extinct HC Viva as a budget alternative. Retro touches could include a ribbon speedometer and brittle plastic headlight switch located awkwardly in front of the steering wheel.  A feeble 1300 cc pushrod engine would ensure breathless perfrormance and by not bothering with rustproofing the bodywork, they could ensure that extensive welding would be required by the time it was due its first MOT.

 

Really though, if Ford of Europe decided to reintroduce the Capri, that’d be a surefire winner, provided they get it right. Instead of giving us the lacklustre, rebadged Mazda MX6-based Probe, or the equally unpopular (but dynamically very good) Mondeo-based Cougar, a modern and affordable take on the original ‘car you always promised yourself’ would reignite the passion for an affordable ‘everyman’ coupe. 

I once had a 1970 Mark 1 1600 GT XLR in orange with a vinyl roof and loved the look of it, even though it never actually worked! The ‘hockey stick’ side mouldings were a lovely touch, as were the six recessed dials in the fake wooden dashboard. The sound of the air being sucked into the twin choke Weber 32 carburettor via a tiny and ill-fitting chrome pancake filter always raised a smile and the 4-2-1 exhaust manifold may have genuinely given me enough extra horsepower to get a chirp from the chrome Rostyles on the back.

Take a look on eBay and see how much even mid 80’s Capris in usuable condition are making and you’ll begin to appreciate just how ‘en vogue’ these cars currently are.  There’s barely enough around to satisfy the nostalgtic cravings of forty something men and prices for the ’special’ models are well over £10000. A modern version, priced at Mondeo money but with a real retro look and feel would sell by the boatload, even in these times of recession.

Anyway, let’s hope they manage to make one before they are bankrupt and that it revives their fortunes. In the meantime, I’ll be scanning eBay for a nice 1979 3.0S model in Daytona Yellow. I’ll just need to find a suitable hiding place in the corner of the workshop, where my wife won’t find it!

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