thegarageblog.co.uk : Too fast and far too furious.

The blueish glare of the Xenon lights loomed large in my rear view mirror and in a split second, the BMW M3 had shot past me, with what sounded like most of its 414 BHP being used in anger. As I watched its distinctive LED taillights getting rapidly further away, my van rocked slightly from side to side with the sudden rush of air as another car flew by, certainly travelling well in excess of 80mph, and in hot pursuit of the M3. The other car was a Porsche 911 Carrera, (of undetermined age, but definately the newer shape) and with its rear spoiler raised and the flat 6 engine howling as it chased the rapidly-disappearing BMW. With both cars now a reasonable distance ahead, I could clearly see the Porsche driver make his move as darted across to the other side of the road and overtook the BMW in a final display of prowess.

So, where was this racetrack onto which I had obviously strayed whilst driving my Mercedes Vito with some friends onboard, back from a restaurant? Had I inadvertently made a wrong turn and ended up on a dragstrip during a ‘run what ya brung’ meeting? No, of course not, I was simply driving along the A30 near Camberley in Surrey, on a rainy Wednesday evening at around 11:30 pm, where the speed limit is 40 MPH.

I was mildly surprised at this wreckless display of idiotic driving along a main road, with at least 3 sets of traffic lights, a McDonalds, a KFC and a nightclub all a few yards from where these cars were blatantly racing. I decided though that it must just be pre-Xmas ‘high jinks’ and that the two drivers would probably (and rightly so) be ‘nicked’ shortly afterwards for dangerous driving. Anyway, I soon put the memory of ‘the race’ out of my mind, until a week or so later. Now, I should explain at this point that I don’t actually get to do much driving at night these days, so am rarely ‘on the streets’ much after 11pm on any night at all.

Imagine my surprise then, to be returning from a late-night trip to Tesco (yes, my life’s that interesting!) that whilst driving home along the A331, I witnessed an almost identical race taking place, although with different cars. This time, a Citroen Saxo VTR (or lookalike – it was probably only an 1100cc) with a ridiculously large and stupid-looking exhaust was being thrashed to within an inch of its life, clearly trying to escape from an old-shape Honda Civic (with equally daft exhaust, chrome wheels AND a giant rear spoiler). Now, although they lacked the 800 BHP that the BMW and Porsche could muster between them, they were still travelling alarmingly fast for the speed limit and damp road conditions. More worrying was that as the Saxo overtook me, I could see fairly clearly the face of the male teenage driver, and his (probably terrified) ‘girlfriend’ who had her feet up on the dashboard and a cigarette in her mouth.

Whilst I’m not condoning any aspect of either of these ’street race’ scenarios I witnessed, the latter was scarier to me for several reasons. You see, the drivers of the BMW and Porsche had many things in their favour, even if they did happen to crash (assuming no pedestrians or other cars were involved!). Both cars have multiple SRS Airbags, in the seats, side pillars, steering wheel, dashboard and doors. Both cars have enormously powerful disc brakes on each wheel, capable of stopping them from 100 MPH to standstill in a matter of seconds with quick acting ABS (Anti Lock Braking System). Both cars also have complex electronic stability and traction contol systems that actively assist by cutting engine power or applying a brake in the event of the car nearly going out of control. The other key factor is that it’s less likely that the BMW or Porsche drivers were under 21, or had only just passed their driving tests! With the BMW costing around £50,000 and the Porsche a good deal more, there’s a fair chance that they weren’t being driven by inexperienced teenagers, with the ink on their driving test pass slip still wet.

The drivers of the Saxo and Civic though, despite their actual speed not being as high, were easily in equal or greater danger of crashing. Firstly, despite the addition of bigger wheels and an exhaust tailpipe large enough to fit your head into, neither car is likely to handle or corner anywhere near as well as the race-proven M3 or 997. Speaking from experience as an MOT tester, it’s highly likely that either of the two ‘boyracer’ cars would be in top mechanical condition. You see, in the name of fashion and ‘coolness’ a budding teenage car enthusiast would rather spend their limited funds on a chrome pedal cover set or purple neon underlighting that get those almost-bald Hungarian remould tyres replaced with new Michelin rubber. Given the choice between getting those worn-out rear brake shoes replaced, or buying the latest Alpine MP3 head unit with iPod connectivity, you can guess which one they’ll choose! As a result, their Saxo, Corsa or whatever first car is their pride and joy, is probably not as safe as it could be, and that’s BEFORE crashing it!

If the unfortunate (but all too common) scenario that an accident did happen, the driver and any unlucky passengers are already at a disadvantage over the driver of the BMW or Porsche. A 1998 Saxo does have the advantage of a driver’s airbag and seatbelt pretensioners, but the car itself feels as ‘tinny’ as the little OXO box I keep my stock cubes in. Also, although it does have an airbag, the certainty of it actually working when it should is sadly lacking. Many cars we see in our workshop have the little AIRBAG warning light on when they come in for an MOT, which indicates that the system isn’t working at all. Unfortunately, the operation of the airbag is NOT part of the MOT, so cannot be failed if not working. All we can do is ‘advise’ that the warning light was on at the time of test. So, even if you did crash, the airbag may well stay deflated inside the steering wheel as the system electronics may have been broken for years, yet you’d never done anything about it as airbag repairs can often cost a fortune. Many car manufacturers recommend in their service schedule that the airbag modules are replaced at 10 years old, but with a new drivers airbag unit for say, a Saxo, costing over £200, how many owners are going to bother on a car only worth £500?

So, whilst merciless thrashing your 3 cylinder, 973cc Corsa in second gear on a damp rounabout outside McDonalds , the virtually bald 155/70R13 cheapo tyres start to lose grip and the car starts spinning out of control and you panic, what happens next? Well, as your car won’t have any fancy electronic trickery to cut the engine power or apply the brakes, it’s fairly likely that you’ll crash and hit the kerb very hard and if there’s another car present, maybe that too! If you’re really unlucky (and going fast enough) the car might mount the roundabout and flip over onto its side, spilling your large Cola and sending bits of your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend’s Big Mac meal all over the stick-on, fake carbonfibre inside of the car. Let’s just hope that the nice furry steering wheel cover dampens the blow of your head hitting it, as the broken airbag didn’t go off to cushion the blow.

I don’t mean to sound all grumpy and ‘old’ as I too used to be young and (albeit, slightly less) wreckless. The difference is that when I passed my driving test in 1986 (in a Peugeot 205 Diesel), cars (well, the ones we could afford) were generally much slower. I’m also absolutely sure that there were loads more police actually patrolling the roads rather than yellow cameras on poles, meaning you had to be a bit more sensible. The cars almost all handled terribly, but because everything happened much slower, I remember sliding the back end of my 1977 Escort Mk 2 (1100cc) around a roundabout wasn’t anywhere near as scary as a similar incident in a 231 BHP BMW 330i some years later. As things like ABS and traction/stability control systems were just ideas on a Bosch engineer’s drawing board, we knew that if we braked too hard, the car would skid. Nowadays, the wonder of the modern ABS system means you can more or less stamp on the brake pedal as hard as you like, even whilst steering, and the car will stop quickly and without drama. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve avoided accidents simply by having ABS brakes and reasonably quick reactions!

Anyway, I could go on for hours about this, but it’s getting late. Remember kids, roads are NOT for racing on, and nor is the local Sainsbury’s car park (if the new barriers and signs are to be believed). McDonalds meals are best enjoyed whilst stationary outside the Drive-Thru, giving you time to admire the cool neon interior and exterior lighting on the Peugeot 106 parked next to you and to share the muffled baseline of your Kanye West remix MP3 with everyone else that’s there. Besides, think how much more smug you’ll be able to feel when you see a Porsche 997 mount the roundabaout and flip-over!, whilst calmly dipping your McNuggets in tasty BBQ sauce. As the embarassed driver crawls out, covered in white powder from all his airbags deploying, you’ll be able to offer him a lift home in the back of your Saxo! Maybe, you could even offer him a McNugget to help ease his pain!